I've run out of disastrous dating stories, for the time
being. I have a date this weekend so there’s still hope. That said, I decided
to share a funny dating situation with my loyal readers (hopefully this will
calm the inquiries about my next post?).
Have you ever broken up with someone because they did
something vulgar or lewd? What about for something stupid, like the way they
styled their hair or the way they chewed their food? Well, when I was in High
School I broke up with a great guy for a reason my Mom still teases me about:
the way he wore his sunglasses; but I’m getting very far ahead of myself.
To be fair to him, let’s call him Jeff. Jeff was two years older, a musician who
worked part time setting up band equipment at one of the local venues, where I
happened to work. I remember the first time I saw him, he was across the room
tinkering with speakers. He was tall, probably 6’3”, average build, pale skin
with dark spiked hair (that was the style then), piercing brown eyes that popped
against his incredibly white skin and a large but kind of cute hooked nose. On
paper he sounds super creepy, but I swear, he was hot. I was with a friend who
was his year in High School and had taken a few classes with him, so I begged
her to make introductions. Within an hour of twirling my hair and giggling
about music things I knew nothing about but was smart enough to understand were
jokes, he was asking me out.
Our first official “hang-out” was the following night after
he set up for the band of the evening. We snuggled in a booth getting to know
each other. We ended up talking for
hours with the occasional make out session, sharing our hopes and dreams and
falling madly in love. He was fantastic. When we got to school the following
Monday we were hand-in-hand, one of those cute couples that made everyone roll
their eyes in disgust. With our bliss came a lot of catty bitches. I remember
one girl pulling me aside and informing me that my new boyfriend was clearly a loser for dating someone two
years younger (she ended up dating a guy
two years younger for years, no clue if they’re still together...karma?).
Another chick complained that we were way too lovey too quickly, which in her
opinion was gross. In hindsight it might
have been true, but I was kid and didn't give a shit.
It wasn't actually any of the bitchy girls or nasty gossip that
convinced me to break up with Jeff, nope, it was his sunglasses that ultimately
did the relationship in. Had he been wearing sunglasses the entire week we
dated we probably wouldn't have lasted a whole week, but every time I saw him
we were either inside or it was dark outside on account of it being night time,
therefore, no sunglasses. Then the day date happened. We met up for coffee or
food or something...honestly all I can remember is the sunglasses, nothing else
stuck in my memory. He was wearing them normally when I first approached. When
we were outside, it was fine, sunglasses were worn over the eyes just like the
average person does. When we walked into wherever it was we were going, let’s
say the Diner, I spent a lot of time at the Diner, it was a completely
different story. I took my sunglasses
off, like any normal person would, and put them in my purse. He kept his on,
which was weird but I assumed he was waiting to be seated. Once we sat, they
stayed on; kind of. That’s when I realized he had pushed the sunglasses down to
the tip of his hook nose and planned on keeping them there, throughout our
entire meal or coffee date or whatever it was. I couldn't look anywhere else!
He would ask me questions and I’d mumble something along the lines of, “Uh-huh”
or “Yeah, totally”. I’m fairly certain I
might have agreed to being madly in love with him, this is the only explanation
for the way he took the break up, but again, I’m getting ahead of myself.
When our date ended and I made it back to the safety of my
home, I sat in my room contemplating my situation I liked him, but I just
couldn't look past the way he wore his sunglasses. I knew what I had to do but
I was dreading doing so. When I got to school the next day Jeff made a bee-line
for me, pulling me into a kiss and whispering sweet words in my ear. I wavered
for a moment but got myself back on track and reluctantly told him I needed a
few minutes alone with him to chat, when the bell rang calling all students to
first period. We made plans to meet in the Science wing at lunch so we could
chat. Jeff had the whole lunch block open and I had third lunch, so he had
spent the first two lunch breaks outside with friends, wearing his sunglasses. Any
second doubts I was having disappeared when he approached me, with his sunglasses
down at the tip of his nose, taunting me. As soon as the break-up speech was
out of my mouth I realized how hard poor Jeff had fallen for me. He was clearly
blindsided and begged me to reconsider, but I had my mind made up and insisted
that we had to call it quits. Two weeks later he was madly in love with some
other girl, who he dated long enough to consider an ex, so I have a suspicion
he got over me with time.
I remember when I got home from school that day my Mom asked
how Jeff was. When I told her I’d broken up with him she was shocked and asked
why.
“I just couldn't stand the way he wore his sunglasses.”
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| The only pic I could find that illustrated the way he wore his sunglasses. |
